U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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