So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
