he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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