I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
ok first of all what the fuck
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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