I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
