I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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