My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
