remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
