so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Randomize
