They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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