Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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