I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
