just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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