My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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