I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
