what if every blade of grass was a penis?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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