mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
