Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
