Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
