i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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