it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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