Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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