Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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