Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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