you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
