My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
