Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
