I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
