She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
