I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
