yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
