I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
