$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
