Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
