i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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