I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
