Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
