somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
