So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
