from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
