just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
