Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
