I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
