I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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