lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
