The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
