I think I died a long time ago.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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