Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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