Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
