How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
