Already got asked if we're dating
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
