Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
