I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
