I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
