I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
