I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The uberlube is also flammable
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I love you. Go after that dick
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
