Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
