Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
