Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
