Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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