feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
