apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
