Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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