So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
