So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
