He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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