Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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