Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
