found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I could fuck to npr.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
