it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
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Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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