so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
