Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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