Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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