The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
