I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
